AHCHOO.

2010-07-24T02:04:00.002+08:00

Someday, imma get out of Singapore.
I will learn how to drive.
To gallivant through every city I can,

taking pictures and keeping a travel diary and making memories.

This, I will have in my backpack.

2010-07-21T01:07:00.002+08:00

Impulsive urge to.. publish something.
Impulsive urge to pierce my belly and just DO.. something.
So.

2010-04-26T22:41:00.004+08:00

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."

Oh they win, they win alright.
I am all but arms across chest, trying so hard not to bump into the stiletto corners of grief,
whenever I think about thehugetradegythatIamsupposedtohaveforgotten.
Time does not heal any wounds.
Bad things do not disappear or get tucked away in a corner,
they follow you.
And remind you how easy it is to get hurt.
Trying to live without old habits,
without the people that I thought I can never live without.
Slowly.
But surely.
..
Then I realise in quite a few posts I reassure myself of this non-existant improvement.

regrets

2010-04-20T00:51:00.000+08:00

“There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance.”

2010-04-09T12:00:00.004+08:00

I thought I got life all figured out (at barely 19, ha!) cause for periods of time life is so boring bland predictable all. 2010 is like a fresh start, a new year, a good year, for many people and I am happy yet jealous of them.

2010 didn't kick off for me, rather it lulled into one vicious cycle after the next where I am so stuck in the same continuing endless motion. Things and people move on, move on, move move move and I am still slowslowslowly discovering and groping around. when when when when am I going to find what I want to do, who I want to be, what to love and what to distance and money and the resolution to drink milk once a week at least huh huh huh huh.

please let inspiration (and $$) love and strength somehow smack me in the face.

True world.

2010-03-27T17:05:00.005+08:00

Everyday something ends in my life.
And everything makes me realise something about myself.
That used to make me feel a certain way.
I am learning, learning to like and accept myself.
Have to get by, get by, get by sorrow. Greed.

So what if you don't see it.
So what if you lie and refuse to tell me to my face.
So what.
It doesn't really matter in the end.
We are not meant to be.

Okay I know this post is supposed to be conveying a clear message and all.
And I am supposed to be liking myself and all.
But uhm my ineptness at writing is really really bothering me.
Oh and my hair.
And lack of skills in everything.

2010-03-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

At the edge of falling into a pit of emotion.

And as usual I am going to complain on this sorry space which no one reads anyway.

Exhaustion, and everything seems to have caught up with me.

I hate it that we are back to the square one.

I hate your reasons.

I hate that I am incoherent at the wrong times.

let the walls break downnnn

2010-03-07T23:45:00.003+08:00

to prove I am not ageist, am posting up happy sappy mature people randomly! :D

& I have decided to keep up with the times and activate twitter.

Hm, will also embrace different cultures, save a president, solve some third world problems while savouring what is possibly my last ever holidays this year.

empty

2010-02-20T18:44:00.004+08:00

cny was hahahahappy! :D

was busy as a bee but I didn't mind not being a slacker for once wheehee.

sigh, archie comics were right.

once you have happy moments, sadness is bound to follow.

it's the rule of ups and downs.

but now, I pretty much ignore how much all this is choking me.

not feeling anything at all.

officially free after 24th!

uhm, yay.

tell me

2010-02-05T00:42:00.001+08:00

my gpa is starting to really bother me.
that, amongst other many many things.

2010-01-26T02:16:00.004+08:00

"We help people when big things happen to them, when you see them getting hit by a car, when a brother or a sister or a father or a mother dies, we’re there for them because we can see that death kills more than the person it takes. And yet, the people around us who die a little all the time, moment by moment, who require the least help, the smallest sacrifice, are the ones we ignore completely."

So, so, so, true.

I know I got friends, and afew people whom I am sure cares alot about me.
But sometimes, it's just not enough.
And your words,
your actions, or lack thereof.
it just kills me.

This is a good change, I hope.
Used to pretend I was above everything and nothing ever bothers me.
Smile smile smile smile everything away.
But now that I am gonna stop pretending everything's okay and really being honest,
that sucks too.
Maybe I need a boyfriend or something.
Ugh.

honesty

2010-01-24T01:05:00.002+08:00

messy messy thoughts.

I can't share.

That's the root of all problems.

Seems that the only thing I am good at so far is keeping people and happenings out.

And the only thing I cannot stop, is thinking about this only thing I am good at.

dream you to life.

2010-01-18T14:28:00.002+08:00

zee self-esteem needs a huge boooost.

jaded, but oh so restless.
school never fails to suck the life out of me.

2010-01-01T19:23:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYGIRL :)

you still so cute and small!

misssssssyouuuuu

2009-12-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes,

but when you look back, everything is different?

harpie beefday bestfr (:

smile more often,

you always deserve it.

for making me happy,

for never giving up on me,

for your friendship and unwavering support,

for your assurances that I deserve something better too,

for being you and i hope, proud of it.

LOVE.

2009-12-09T00:53:00.001+08:00

happy birthday MJ (:
you are one of my bestest friends, and I am a lucky girl because of that.
let's be friends even longer than forever.

<3

Alchemist

2009-12-06T17:39:00.002+08:00

Is it you I want?
Or just the notion of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around.

I MISS BESTFR ):
come back from Japan soon!

Christmas, christmas, christmas.

what wouldn't i give.

2009-11-30T21:28:00.002+08:00

Courage. Love. Destiny.
That is what I want to know.
How much am I willing to give.
I don't know what is it I truly want,
there are so many things I will never understand.
Passed the stage of being cynical.
And now I keep wanting answers to questions I will never ask.
Overflow.

Meh.

magic

2009-11-22T23:57:00.004+08:00

hello thankyou demon toe!
for the closest thing to my ideal xmas present yet :)
you make me haaarpie!
here is a picture just for youuuu:

meowwww

2009-11-19T22:18:00.002+08:00

2009-11-12T23:24:00.004+08:00

I like doing this as a kid, the ticklish rumble at the back of my throat feels gooooood.

Everytime when I complain a tad too much (HAH) I sort of feel squirmy and bad that I cannot see the positive sides of things.
Now I firmly believe that it was my genes that cause me to fall into this.
I plugged in my mp3 and sang with all my might, until I cannot hear you complaining anymore.
Tired, yo.

Tmr is Campus Care Network day, whereby everyone is subtly wheedled into participating.

Okay I better save my excellent writing skills for the yet another 1000words I am supposed to write by tmr as well.

>: (

FATE

2009-11-12T00:36:00.001+08:00

Ok I've been ridiculously happy for no good reason this couple of days.

But heeheehee

I believe in fate now :)

YOGHURT

2009-11-07T01:56:00.001+08:00

Frolicks, my current fancy.

2009-11-04T00:37:00.002+08:00

"Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase."
Martin Luther King Jr.

I think that describes us, hmm.

/
Been thinking lots about friends lately.
Friends of old, and of new.
People who passed through my life,
and people who stayed.
Everytime, I think to myself,
there's always something I wish I did, or didn't do.

sunny side upppp

2009-11-01T16:42:00.004+08:00

Radiance.

Light.

The weather here is lovelier than it has been for ages.
This is one of the sundays where I like being home.
I can hear the silence, feel the breeze, fantasize about not being in Singapore,
dreams filled with magnificent sights all around the world, autumn in Europe.

2009-10-28T23:29:00.002+08:00

sluuuurrrrrrps.
Like, like, like!
Christmas, kay :O)

Wish Santa Claus is real.

2009-10-27T23:38:00.003+08:00

This is all I will ever ever need.
I think a dog is who I would love to grow old with.
If I have this lovely thing I will never need or want anyone again.

Raw

2009-10-27T00:09:00.005+08:00

You asked me if I am happy, and well.

All I can say is that life is a battle, and I will wear my scars proudly.

I know there are many things I try not to see or acknowledge,

I hide things and shake off negativity as best as I can.

But sometimes things keep seeping out,

people get close, and I fight to keep them from hurting me.

I try and try to stop wanting more out of my current situation,

as cliche as it is, I keep getting greedy.

So to be happy, I will stop.

If you like me, fine.

If you don't, fine.

If you think I am ugly and uncool, fine.

I want to stop trying to prove myself,

to be who I think you want me to be.

If you think I am bad, fine.

If you see what I am doing for you, fine.

If you don't, I will continue doing them anyway cause I know you need me to be like that.

I want to be happy and make the best out of everything.

Really, who doesn't?

2009-10-23T23:34:00.001+08:00

TO BESTIE:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you. "
— Winnie the Pooh
:D

be brave luv, you must not lose hope!

2009-10-19T22:40:00.004+08:00

First day back was pretty ordinary, it feels a little new, yet we are all alr falling back into this unbreakable routine once again.
I don't like the sleepiness that always hits me in the face, hard,
I don't like the no mood feeling which always looms over the general atomosphere,
I don't like knowing that we've PBL, like again, and
I don't like having to take child psychology when I don't give a damn about children.
I don't like school.

BUT I do like the hk chicken that Moo gave me;
and I heart Janell for lending me Handle With Care,
which I wanted to read since forever;
I missed some people.
<3 <3 <3

The rest of this post will be for Dwin:

This is a harmfully trying period for you, you are angsty, frustrated and moody and I rly rly rly understand how much it sucks to not be able to do anything, to be the good person, the really good person, and still get burned for it.
It's so hard to be a saint, and it's unfair that you have to try.
I just want you to know that it's okay, and thankyou for.. ranting :D
Maybe it's just me but I always felt that there was this line, btw us,
we didnt talk alot about personal stuff, about family stuff,
I always assumed you dont want me to know things, you think i wouldnt understand cause i am a girl or sth like that :D
this is the first step, heh.
and i want you to know, i am glad i have you as my friend, you make me want to be a better person, I want to be like you :)
You are an awfully good person, dwin, and your family and friends are really lucky to have you!
loveeeeeeeeee!

2009-10-13T22:45:00.006+08:00

"Others imply that they know what it is like to be depressed because they have gone through a divorce, lost a job, or broken up with someone. But these experiences carry with them feelings. Depression, instead, is flat, hollow, and unendurable. It is also tiresome. People cannot abide being around you when you are depressed. They might think that they ought to, and they might even try, but you know and they know that you are tedious beyond belief: you are irritable and paranoid and humorless and lifeless and critical and demanding and no reassurance is ever enough. You’re frightened, and you’re frightening, and you’re “not at all like yourself but will be soon,” but you know you won’t."

-Kay Redfield Jamison

I feel the need for a lengthy post/rant.
So many many many things I would like to express, but I just can't find the words for it.
I ain't a master in any language and that sucks really bad.
When I browse through tumblr, which is fast becoming my favourite thing to do cause there's just so many qoutes, photographs and reflections that ring loud and true, I am envious.
Envious, the way they protray thoughts and insights about life.
Envious, that pretty things are so easily shared and found.
Envious, cause I can never be that original or resourceful or literatureish.
Envious, some tumblrs are just.. total cool.
Hmm, repeating words make me feel like I am making a stronger point.

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Intently I stare at magic other people wove.
And wish I could be like that.
Wish I lived in that world.
Wish can I can write like them, see the same things.
wish wish wish wish.
Love good blogs.
love love love love.

2009-10-12T00:48:00.001+08:00

2009-10-10T00:00:00.003+08:00

tagboard up :)
am getting so sick of bloggerrrrrr.

Zooland biscuits, book, nice weather, comfy chair. <3
I would say life is good, except that I am bored out of my mind and will soon be facing complete social extinction.
School is starting in less than 9days.
>:(

Ephebiphobia: A fear of teenagers
:o)

East of Eden.

2009-10-07T21:30:00.005+08:00

You threw your whole life away for all the people you love, you struggled to carry the world on your shoulders.

It was really unfair that you had to die, you were so brave and good.

I know it could never be a happy ending in a Korean series, but for this one, I really hoped that for once, the good will be rewarded with what they had fought for in their entire lives.

This is one intense drama, omg.

I am still really angry with the way things turned out >: (

Heart wrenching to watch the one person who deserved happiness more than anyone, lose his life and fail to live happily with the people he fought so hard to gaurd.

But I am envious too, to have loved so fiercely, to have been loved as much back, it was all worth it.

To have so many people you wanted to protect, to have so many people who loves you, to the extent that one is willing to sacrifice everything, and really everything, so that they will be safe.

i'll meet you there.

2009-10-04T03:19:00.001+08:00

If we could sit together a moment
And talk forever just to pass the time
I would smile as the shivers and chills run down my spine
With your eyes are locked on mine
...

Deep inside of you there's a ruby glow
And it gets brighter then you and I will ever know
There's a rushing sound that surrounds us when we walk alone
And it's everything we've never known

Wander down the street
And I would be the pavement beneath your feet
If we could just be immobile for some time
And finally figure out the way we feel
...

What do I do now.

Muse.

2009-10-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Even in our most profound connections to others, we are always somehow alone.
Even the most innocent of desires, sometimes break, body and soul.

Red.

2009-09-28T23:25:00.005+08:00

Mommy got me a guitar :)

I want to name it, but I am saving the good names for my future children, so.

My new curtains do look kinda pale in comparison hmm.

Hopefully I can actually learn to play the songs I <3 before givng up or sth.

And and!

I want to cut my hair!

Mixed signals.

2009-09-25T00:26:00.003+08:00

There is a stray cat yowling under my window and a house dog yapping at the stray cat.
Now a uncle is scolding the dog (which shouldn't be the case cause the dog did nothing wrong and I am not saying that because I am a dog lover, really I ain't.)

On a more personal note,
This is the most unhealthy I ever felt in my life.
I eat cup noodles almost every night for supper cause whenever 4am is near I feel unearthly pangs in my soft tummy.
Have not exercised properly since the previous 2months holiday which was in.. March?!
Waking up at noon or near noon is a near miracle,
and I am highly suspicious that my internal fats are engulfing my already weak heart.
I rant and I rant,
but it doesnt make me feel better, healthier, or any more disposed to doing any exercise.
I want to say God help me, but why would he/she help when I do not fulfil any rule or requirement to be a even remotely religious person?
I want to believe that there are no conditions to faith and love from a higher power up there,
but it's been tested and proven a thousand times over.

Okay whatever that was a totally irrelevant and senseless um, paragraph, but I feel like posting it up anyway, just to show that I do indeed update my blog, to those people who always tell me I don't.

And lastly, SO THERE.
(that was a random urge, too. )

Just want you to feel the same :)

2009-09-21T23:23:00.003+08:00

My favourite boy (:

"

2009-08-29T18:25:00.001+08:00

Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don’t want the other person to forget that we forgave.
— Ivern Ball"

^.^

2009-08-25T01:34:00.004+08:00

At 11.30am on wednesday,
I am making a bonfire out of my notes.
Would say textbooks, but they are expensive and I am cheapo like that :D
Social psych is in 7hours but pixel ranger and that alluring grey jacket is hogging my attention.

In this upcoming holidays,
I will make lots and lots of money,
and do 80% of the things on my holiday plan list.

I vow to sleep plenty, eat as many, and exercise until I am fit enough to throw water bombs at people and escape in one piece.

HURR Stop. Blogging. And. Start. Reading. About. Cognitive. Dissonance!

><

2009-08-21T14:31:00.000+08:00

You flatter yourself.
Go away.

Why!

2009-08-20T00:22:00.002+08:00

The only thing that is very clear to me now,

is that I want food.

Chicken wings, my floppy octopus sushi, oyster and yoghurt.

I try, really.

But it's just so hard ):

Tentative.

2009-08-16T15:41:00.000+08:00

So scared that you will break my bubble.
I want this to last ):

Ask me the right questions,
and I will tell you everything.
Even what you truly mean to me.

Second best.

2009-08-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

As usual, always settling for less.

Inadequate.

2009-08-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

You: WILL YOU PLEASE GET OUT OF YOUR STUFFY COMFORT ZONE.
Me: I don't have one anymore.

:(

Wish that in my world,
all the clouds are cotton candy and like puffs of fluff;
I have a daughter named Sky;
and there is never ending music which changes with my mood.
Wanna travel to an exotic place every week,
drawing what I see,
or showing off my excellent photography skills.

Mm, since I am dreaming,
I think I would like 3millions bucks now.

So much more than me and you.

2009-08-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

Sudden and random urges to blog about nothing much in particular.

Optimism finds me at strange times,
like these days even when all seems to be blurry and nothing seems to mean anything,
still found myself smiling and walking forwards,
heading somewhere.

2009-06-30T23:17:00.004+08:00

"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it's the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future."
- Jodi Picoult

Thinking back on all the choices, all the decisions, whether right ot wrong, that I made.
Thinking about the hesitation, the split second that I have before making a choice.
Thinking that what if, just what if, I have chosen differently.

I could have had another life.

2009-06-18T22:14:00.004+08:00

(guess which is whose? :D)

This is why.

Edwin looking insane(his words, not mine!), Deon trying hard not to show his teeth, Joel looking sheepish with bangs & me the most normal as usual :D

We felt random today, watched Drag me to hell (which was ridiculously funny but we all jumped like ten thousand times), randomly bought 4 peanuts erasers as our tokens of friendship (REMEMBER, must still show after ten years, loser treats dinner for a year, no joke), dabaoed food AND ice cream to eat at a random void deck, stirring the totally liquid ice cream with our plastic spoons, randomly felt the impulse to make a ice cream fondue, it has been a random day.

On another not as random note, my house is undergoing changes. Smelly changes. But my room's gonna be yellowwwwww(:

School is starting in 3 days, looking back, I realise that in this 2 weeks break, I have managed to accomplish nothing at all.

2009-06-08T23:27:00.003+08:00

Whenever I am feeling sad, that shall be my wallpaper!

Whenever I am happy, that's my wallpaper!

Ah, how much technology has advanced, it's even able to depict moods now(:

The so called HOLIDAYS are here, the joy.

Working this month's IT Fair again heh.

I think the only thing that is NOT swelling is my mood, recently.

Sorry for being such a miseryguts lately!

Must be a phase, hope it passes soon.

No matter what you say, I am still glad that I have friends who care about me,

and I want to be happy and comforted like that.

2009-06-04T22:36:00.002+08:00

Wouldn't it be nice if I could scrunch up my face and blow a bubble at the same time?
:D
Being tired makes me feel like a hardworking farmer, just without the fruits of labour.
Usually I think logically and hypothetically.
This is an utterly senseless post that has no meaning whatsoeverrrrrrr.

I must be studying too hard.

2009-06-03T17:04:00.003+08:00

Don't know why, but in my life,
everything happens at the same time.

I wish I could stop feeling to angsty and unsure and insecure and tired and indecisive and annoyed at the world and well, mostly myself.
Believe me this isnt about term tests or the mounting pile of projects, not yet.

Wish I had a sunflower field outside my window.
Wish I could achieve self efficacy.
Wish global warming and swine flu wouldnt end the world quite so soon.
Wish everything will be normal again.

2009-05-30T23:41:00.003+08:00

I am sick and dying from it, that's what's new.

And it cannot be more timely cause term tests are coming

and i have not studied anything as it is.

spending the whole day sleeping and eating is like, sinful.

then again, why do I care?

but apparently I do care becasue I am actually blogging about TERM TESTS.

See, this is what happens when I am sick and my brain hardly functions.

(stop sniggering, I KNOW what you guys are thinking.)

2009-05-25T00:43:00.005+08:00

The pictures looks brighter in my phone!
Red Rain was much better than expected! :D
Thank you so much for the lunch, and the ben and jerry's ice cream Moo <3
you are the best!

Supposed to go gym with Aslam tmr,
but I feel so lazy! ]:

Studying with zee President @ Coffee Bean ytd!
It was the most unracist place ever :D

I am a cynical person.

2009-05-07T21:50:00.003+08:00

Today, is my daddy's birthday.

Dear Diary.

2009-05-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

Sacrifice.

Slowly I will find the courage to.
Please, change.

2009-05-02T22:22:00.003+08:00

my first time playing basketball voluntarily,
and I attribute my suckiness to the poor lighting.

I realise I have slanting eyes.
The corners are like, sloping upwards.
Weirddd.

2009-05-01T13:47:00.006+08:00

School.

Nothing else is new.

After the holidays, school is back to being an uncomfortable routine.

The conference room, the 4 of us cannot step inside there without collapsing in seizures of laughter on the floor within ten minutes.

Running noisily towards my tutorial room cause being late is painfully embarrassing (I am trying very hard, swear!)

Loitering around anywhere/everywhere and doing nothing on a rare occasion that school ends at 4pm.

Standing outside a LT for eons while deciding where to eat/go.

Slapping/pinching my own face during lectures.

I have juniors! (whom I havent met)

GOING to have cca(s) :D

~~Bitching~~ Reminiscening sessions!

I will not make resolutions that I can't keep.

Show me a sane man,

and I will cure him for you.

2009-04-23T22:52:00.002+08:00

be still, my thumping heart.

2009-04-22T00:56:00.004+08:00

Hmmmmmm.
I don't really have anything interesting to say.
So, I shall complain a LITTLE :D

Facebook seems to be what I do everytime I am online.
that, and eBuddy.

Why is it that only my msn is not working ):

AND the most awful news, I AM STUCK IN JAP.
I will cry myself to sleep every night.

It was no coincidence that fear can move a person to extremes, just as seamlessly as love.
They are the joined twins of emotion: If you didn't know what was at stake to lose,
you had nothing to fight for.
I know all too well, that I have everything to lose.

2009-04-18T00:25:00.004+08:00

I am very very pleased with the trio!
Let's grow old laughing at each other,
let our children be best friends,
and.. if we grow senile,
it's okay, we'll giggle tgt and just talk about the good old times,
we'll still understand each other
and be cool & threesomeish.
(in summary, I just mean that I love MJ and Lydoots <3 )

Mmmmmm.
When school starts,
I will fill every single cell of my body with determination,
I will be punctual,
I will laugh often,
and be diligent :D

2009-04-11T23:34:00.004+08:00

east coast has awesome seafood!

& happy birthday to a wonderful girl, ZL (:

my contacts are killing me,

my fingers just refuse to poke my eye.

plus that god-awful haircut,

I am so not ready for school.

Will treasure every minute of next week!

2009-04-03T22:22:00.003+08:00

photos are on facebook :D

but prawning was marvellous!

But I swear I was extremely guilty when I peeked into the oven and saw the poor translucent things still fighting for their lives and flicking their feelers in protest.

I said sorry to their moms, somewhere in or out there,

because I think they died for a rather miserable reason.

Hmmmm.

I have always wondered,

if I am doing all the right things for the wrong reasons,

are they still considered right?

2009-04-02T22:04:00.004+08:00

Guess who were the 4 accomplished people who reached in summit of Bukit Timah Hill in like less than half an hour! :D

Dont play play okay, the steps are like REALLY steep and we all had to lift our legs like 90degrees to get up!

We risked our lives for a noble cause, HEALTH & FITNESS :D

Deon, Joel and Edwin were nice people to go mountain (humour me) climbing with yours truly,

sacrificing their sleep on the whims of an um, extremely lovely girl (:

I may not show it,

but I love you 3, we braved through year 1 tgt,

complaining, slacking, slogging, whining, laughing, and just doing things tgt.

Now I cannot imagine poly life without my ally, buddy and girlfriend!

Year 2 is dawning, and I know I will survive,

because I have you all <3

10years from now,

we will look back and laugh at all this,

and I will remember so much about us (:

2009-03-26T22:55:00.002+08:00

Bunch of happy people at marina today :D

Shortlived.

2009-03-25T01:31:00.004+08:00

Sigh, I am a vile human bean :(

/
Got highlights today,
my virgin hair is no longer. O:

I wish sometimes, you would just stop being so caught up in life,
just stop.
Take a deep breath, look out of a window,
listen to a full song, smile, and think of me.
That's more than enough.

2009-03-18T15:58:00.003+08:00

I was mighty late for work, angsty at the bus stop.
That was before I spotted this rainbow at my foot.
<3
Mommy woke us up early, so me and this pesky kid who lives in my house could go to pasir ris park to plaaaay.
Pretty things (:

Supposed to be on my way to queensway,
but aiyah, so lazy yo.
Sleepovers soon!
Exciting, exciting.

Been feeling out of touch with the world ever since it fair,
4 mad days in suntec, I am glad to be alive & kicking.
But but i miss everyone!
Princess, go out soon!
Jayne, baby, once I work my ass off and strike it rich I will be on the first flight to see you.
Everyone else, LET'S GO OUT, CLIMB A MOUNTAIN.
Night cycling, anything!!
:D :D

2009-02-24T22:21:00.004+08:00

No I am not paedo, it's just cute.

Exams are over, yo!

Distance.

2009-02-15T01:26:00.006+08:00

Today,

I am happy even though potong pasir had hugely abnormal flies buzzing around,
because I am waiting for princess, who is always worth waiting for <3

I am happy even though we were like absurdly late for Cedar Fiesta,
because I managed to pass gifts to the people I wanted to see the most (:

I am happy even though East Coast is FAR from Pasir Ris,
because I had the best company :D

I am happy even though I was dragged into the sea and swallowed gallons of salt, because we all had immense fun and it was all worth it!

I am happy even though we were cold and walking dripping wet to parkway,
because it was like an adventure (o:

I am happy even though Siming tricked me with his magic,
because he is so funny that way!

I am happy even though I missed so many buses today,
because I heard words that otherwise would not be said.

I am happy even though I got home late,
because P was so nice to wait for me for hours just to pass me his gift.

I am happy now,
looking through the sweet letters, cards, and smiling at the roses.

Thankyou to Everyone,
who has made me smile today (:

Happy valentine's day! <3

2009-02-01T01:10:00.002+08:00

you might have the smile of an angel,
but you sure can destroy like a monster.
Ally & Albert, the two kings of the Huang Family.

It has been a trying start of the year.
I really really want to go somewhere nice.
With someone nice.

2009-01-29T02:25:00.002+08:00

Today, I counted the number of people that I cannot lose.

Today, I spiked my eeyore's tuft of hair.

Today, I made resolutions, and broke them already.

Neoprints & MOF was fun (:

But yet everytime,

I will hold my breath and I think,

I am tiny, I am non-existant.

So many things I wish I could do,

So many things I wish I were.

So many times I tried to find,

something inside, or even outside,

that I could be proud of.

So many things that are wrong,

and I dont know how to change it.

I need.

2009-01-17T02:07:00.001+08:00

It is so easy to talk to anyone but you.

2009-01-16T22:36:00.001+08:00

Whooo, the small but mighty team.

I am still hobbling.
After this, I swear I will never look at another slow moving human with the slightest hint of scorn.

Ouch >:

2009-01-12T23:54:00.001+08:00

mary's surprise party at compass point, pizzahut! (:

Preparations!

Birthday Girl! :D

2009-01-06T00:03:00.003+08:00

I like the moments of laughter,
the occasional feeling of contend which settles,
like a promise.

Love my friends (:

but then again,
words and actions hurt me much too easily.
I don't dare to find out why,
Maybe I know, I already know.
but I don't know how.

2008-12-30T22:28:00.003+08:00

On rare emo days,
I wanna live with a thumping heart and a pretend microphone,
a ticking clock & an empty house.

But not tonight.
Tonight, I want someone to stay,
and dance with me,
to a song that we both like {:

Plaster.

2008-12-24T22:28:00.005+08:00

I am blogging, but only to say,
thankyou bestfri, truly.
For understanding,
for the cabfare,
the Zen, taiwan stuff etc,
and the geniune actions you took to show me how much you really cared.

& I love you, more than I can say.
I understand what you have said in your blog,
and I want you to know that I fully agree.

Might be still upset, but it will be okay soon because I know you are there.
<3

2008-12-23T00:00:00.004+08:00

wonderful outing with loveliest lydia liao and mujia jiang! (:

what started out as a pact to highlight/cut hair at funan turned out pretty well too (:

walked to clarke quay, then to Cine to play pool, for the first time after knowing each other for so long, mind! I still eagerly await the movie we are gonna watch tgt, after knowing lydia for 5 years I havent caught a SINGLE movie with her. SINFUL O:

hop over to bugis at 9plus to meet joel & deon to.. do what we do best (:

on the way home GUESS WHO that ugly person is :D

nice nice.
oh oh!
HAVE A SMASHING TRIP DEOOOON!

2008-12-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

Edward Cullen. {:

Melancholy.

2008-12-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

Extremely pretty, of course.

YAY.

Now buddy owes me a cake (:

2008-12-10T23:16:00.003+08:00

i love every single person who is my friend, i love i love.

the human race is good.

all thanks to my nebo card and the absolute darling vouchers that come with it.

not forgetting the loveliest company (:

azeemah! love love you. and and deon joel edwin bryan huda. <3

spent most of the 2 hours in the arcade playing JUBEAT.

&&&&&&&& SPONGEBOB.

ME AND HUDA WON THE JACKPOT WE WON WE WON!

two-hundred-and-ninety-four tickets & happiness and joy and love and jubilancy.

over the moon!

changed a total of 400tickets for a purple winnie the pooh stationery set.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I SHALL MAKE BUDDY HAPPY

AND DECLARE HERE AND NOW:

I LOVE AYUMI HAMASAKI!!

SHE IS GORGEOUS AND SHE SINGS FABULOUSLY. <3

2008-12-07T16:58:00.000+08:00

sigh.

2008-12-04T20:43:00.003+08:00

FROM IDIOTIC PEOPLE BUT IT IWAS HILARIOUS NEVERTHELESS.
my birthday poem:

My dear Jessica lovely!
I wanna let you know how much you move me!
Although sometimes u treat me somewhat abusively
And you look at me somewhat bizarrely
I understand it’s because u love me passionately
Sometimes in public it’s hard to behave appropriately
As we tend to behave very aggressively
And we escape from the police just barely
But please please I beg u treat me gently

Oh! You know I mean it metaphorically
Our love is just expressed so so affectionately
And you behave so deceptively demurely (omg double rhyme double points!)
But I know deep inside definitely
You act very very purely
I know you mean the words u say genuinely

Although sometimes u deliver them expletively
I love the way we talk nightly
Most of the time you behave somewhat primitively
But when you do, I just smile blissfully
And look on happily
As u continue behaving strangely

All I want is to open your eyes radiantly
And stare at me till my heart explodes… violently

...
5 more days and this horrid term will be OVER forever and ever.
omg, bestie is flying off to some exotic country just as my hols start.
no more listening to me rant about school,
and complaining about people & my strange moods.
no one to to tell me he love me,
when i need to hear it.
i'll miss you bestfr!
come back soon <3

2008-11-23T04:50:00.000+08:00

my christmas present,
anyone? :D

2008-11-22T03:13:00.001+08:00

Joshua, Meng Seng, Sherrie, ALIYA, me, Genia, and Charms! <3
i love my pae friends!
afew were conspicuously absent though :(

pretty flashing lights, food, music which rocks the floor (literally),

my ear drums ringing with noise, laughters, shrieks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALIYA (:

party's over.

2008-11-19T22:53:00.002+08:00

A hug that can say all my favourite paragraphs.

I want.

No I don't think my life sucks,

the worst has yet to come.

Hmmms.

Apple time (:

2008-11-17T23:53:00.004+08:00

Madagascar! SQUEALS.

It was pretty much a mandune plot,

but the animations were awful cute <3

Swinging high, catching the breeze.

And I suddenly felt like being alone.

So much for wanting to be special,

so much for wanting to be more.

Just slightly.

As a little girl I used to wake up in the middle of the night remembering my wildest dreams-

I was flying; I was locked in a chocolate factory; I was queen of a Carribean isle.

I would wake with the smell of frangipani in my hair or clouds caught in the hem of my nightgown until I realised I was all along, somewhere different.

2008-11-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

... I was that empty and that far away.
And suddenly I knew what became of all those lost balloons:
They were the loves that slipped out of our fists;
the blank eyes that rose in every night sky.

Zouk flea :D

I used to detest weekends.
Now, they seem to be all that I look forward to.

2008-11-14T22:54:00.002+08:00

13 of these DECALS, each, to sell. SO IS ANYONE INTERESTED?
it's ever so pretty & useful i sweeeeaaaaaar.
there's one on my laptop now!
special thanks to bestie and phileas for their help!
you're awesome friends <3

A03 were selling these sweeeeet things.

flower received by yours truly (:

bumblebee :D

turned out to be rather effy, but hey, first time okay hurrrhs.
after eating a whole day worth of japalang THINGS,
it was a relief to be sitting in sakae eating a proper meal.
not to mention the natural comedians with me :D
aw, they're the reason why sometimes i like i would actually miss something if i don't go to school. {:
edwin suddenly popped by in a sports shirt, cap, and relatively short SHORTS.
well, maybe not shorts but omg!
the first time we actually caught glimspes of his LEGS.
okay that sounded pretty weird but seriously it was HAHAHAHA.

tprawks on monday.
JOY.

2008-11-10T20:51:00.003+08:00

It must be the valley of poly life,
Seems like I haven't laughed happily for absolute ages.

Effy, sentimental, emotional, upset, kooky and unbalanced.
I don't want to keep feeling whatever I am feeling now.

I want.. to be able to hold hands,
and dance in the rain again.

Just like last time.
Last time.

2008-11-06T22:24:00.003+08:00

so pretty,
I want to hold a sunset in my hands too (:

2008-11-04T00:02:00.004+08:00

Sprials & spins of emotions these days.
I wonder, if this is good,
I wonder, if I am supposed to be happy.

2008-10-31T02:59:00.002+08:00

THIS IS ALL DEON'S FAULT.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

2008-10-28T00:14:00.003+08:00

This time, this time, the emotions bounced off me.

My chest feels full of glitter and helium,
the way it usesd to when I was little
and riding my father's shoulders at twilight,
when I knew that if I held my hands up and spread my fingers like a net,
I could catch the coming stars.
-My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult

I think she writes prettily (:
poignant, and sincere.
i like <3

my mom did all my shopping for me :(
which means i didnt get to buy anything i like at all.
she bought 24pairs of undergarments,
3 dresslike dresses/long shirts.
japalang earrings and oh oh, my formal wear.
i arrived with only 2 bags,
when we got back,
there were 12 we had to lug, joy.

It was a necessary trip,
and, on a whole,
I am glad that I am back.
I have not touched my bed for like 2weeks at least!
Butbut, there's school tmr.
yay, i get to catch up! :D :D

2008-10-22T12:25:00.000+08:00

10.10am i will be on a plane heading towards..
people who love me most (:

safra-ed during free time,
then had my first cds class:
colour and composition.
i must say some stuff sounds potentially interesting,
but quickly came to realise that the man who looked like he survived world war ll,
is our cds tutor, and i do not like his choice of vocabbb.
this elective exploits sketching/drawing(must be with a PEN)/colouring/art skills,
or the lack thereof, in my case.

crashed japanese lecture,
and oooh,
my eyes had a really good time.
hajimemashite, watashi wa jessica desu. (:
the only phrase i can pretend i know heh.

Hmmm, see you all on tuesday.
Cheeeers!

Let me inside your heaven.

2008-10-19T17:02:00.004+08:00

not alot of people turned up for the chalet,
but we managed to have alot of fun anyway! (:
elaboration & some pictures can be found on AZEEMOO'S BLOG!
i hazily remember playing alot of cards,
watching alot of horror shows,
waving about on the roof
and being tortured.

sleep was too mundane,
so the number of hours we slept during those 3days could be counted on one hand i guess.
the last day was the absolute worse,
not counting the previous night when SOMEONE tried to put me into a guitar case.

joel cleaned up the porch and left,
hence it was only junkai deon and me.
those monsters ganged up and i was destroyed.

waterbombs, garden hose, mops with filthy water, the blue liquid for cleaning windows, the fermented liqour and goodness knows what other crap.

GUESS WHERE THEY ALL ENDED UP.

not that i didnt retaliate (:

oh oh oh we FISHED!
using dustpans.
smart right i know :D
andand junkai caught a caterpillar.

this is when we said goodbye to the poor house we kinda trashed (:

and here's my room in bukit gombak.

school is tomorrow.
SICK.

2008-10-14T23:17:00.001+08:00

i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome i am excited and the place is awesome.

Rooftops, explore, sandy beach, seclusion, breeze, good company, plans made, space, sky, stars, fooood.

Sigh but after wed and thurs, i am going to be far far away from home,
stashed away in some foreign place which seems, well, closer to malaysia.
Must stay for like, precisely 6days.
gaaawd, BUKIT GOMBAK, i think i have been there like, once in my life.
i will get a powerpuff girls diary and write in it everyday.
I can't call edwin in the morning when i am late! :(
i will hafta wake up at a ungodly hour and i will probably take like 5hours to get even near to school.
well, at least i wont see tampines mall for awhile,
come on, it is such a boring place which i've been complaining about for like forever.
uh, yay.

I WILL SURVIVE.

you scream the bridge
i cried the verse,
and our chorus came out, unrehearsed.

2008-10-12T01:36:00.001+08:00

as bestie rightly says,

it is the people and not the place that matters :D

east coast was good, considering my 50% disabled right leg.

if you want all the random/artistic/silly pictures, ask me online (:

i am so pleased to meet everyone, yay!

but sadly, undue to unforseen circumstances i am unable to jump into the air in joyous joy as i promised.

migrated to tampines (again) after everyone slowly trickled away,

Mujia, me, lydia & JJ.

pastamania gave me a slight tummyrumblingache,

since i lost two rounds & had to drink that disgusting mixture, which, um, i helped to mix.

it was fun playing the arcade when we've a goal in mind,

to get 54points so we could exhange it for 2packs of outdated games!

namely, OLD MAID, and HAPPY FAMILY.

had quite a good time sitting down to play games long forgotten from childhood.

2008-10-06T04:28:00.000+08:00

TWO MORE DAYS TWO MORE DAYS!

i realise the thing i do most in the past week or so,
is smash my face into a fat pillow and scream until i need to take in another deep breath.
and do it all over again.

Because it helps.

I am discovering things though.
Like how reading is extraordinary, and Jodi Piccoult is brillant when it comes to words.
Like how webcam holds innovative prospects of giggles & spasms & embarrassing accidents.
Like how the kopitiam uncle likes to sing L.O.V.E, when making fishball noodles. It disturbs me greatly.
Like how my brother's head, tilts to a specific angle when i am trying my hardest to fathom how to explain linear inequalities.
Like how angsty i can get, when i find out that all the apples are gone.

The things I can look forward to:
Picnic on saturday! (:
Lunch, with lifenny, she's in pasir ris!
The trio working tgt on thurs, plus junkai, it has been a long time!
And, possibly, a stayover :D

Hmmmm.
Holidays, holidays.

2008-10-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

this blogskin makes me look at im in love but noooo!
i did meet 6 of my darlings though :D

these people remind why i should smile just a little brighter, everytime.
(:

happy birthday, taina tee!
you're an awesome girl and i love you <3